VALENTINES DAY IS FOR DICKS
by R.S. Rhine ©2006

[*look for 5 relationship keys hidden in text]

I hate Valentines Day. All men do. It puts needless pressure onto a lame Hallmark Card induced holiday, filled with more stress and pressure than a bloated corpse belly. So, let me understand this lame ass holiday. We get one day, ONE FUCKING DAY, to prove to you ladies we love you. We do this with some fucking candy, or a heart shaped card, or flowers or a trip to Hawaii. And, even if we give you flowers every day of the year, and bust our balls to buy you cars and minks, we're still in the dog house if we miss Valentines Day?! Get this ladies. IF WE'RE FUCKING YOU -- WE LOVE YOU. That's how men express love, with their dicks. You may not like this ladies but it's true. If we didn't love you we'd be fucking your sister. Well, on second thought, we may still fuck your sister, or want to, but as long as we're still fucking you -- we love you too. Then, again, we can fuck more than one woman. Which means we can love more than one woman. We can love you, and say... your sister, or you and the babysitter. So, let me now nudge the rules a bit to -- We love whom we're fucking at the moment. Then, when the moment is over, we don't love you quite as much -- until we fuck you again. It's the nature of the beast ladies. MEN LOVE WITH THEIR DICKS. And, men love their dick. Women, on the other hand, love with their heart. So, when a man breaks a woman's heart it's because they fucked up with their dick. And, when a woman breaks a man's heart, it's 'cause she's fucking some other dick and leaving her main man dick-broken. Now, you may ask, what about prostitutes? Do men love their Hoe? No. Men don't love with their dicks if they're paying for it. But, you may ask, aren't men paying for a women when they're dating -- with movies, and dinners and diamonds? Well, if we're spending that much to have sex, and not with a prostitute, then you know we really must want to love you with our dicks. Now, there are some men that are just "playaz. " But they are incapable of true love. Because if they could, they would find the one woman they would want to fuck more than others. I mean, you got to love a woman "a whole fucking lot" if you want to fuck her exclusively for the rest of your life. So, ladies, listen closely. If we're fucking you, until we're both old and wrinkled and smelly, do you really need a box of stale candies, one day a year to prove that we "love you," even if we treat you like a queen the other three hundred and sixty-three days a year?!

Relationship key #5:

IF WE'RE FUCKING YOU... WE LOVE YOU.

So, instead of flowers this year, ladies, ask for dick. Or, a bouquet of dicks. Then, we're both happy. And if we give it to you -- you know that we really love you. And if we don't... we're probably fucking your sister.

Sickcerely.

Robert Steven Rhine

Publisher / Editor-in-Chief / Future Corpse
www.robertrhine.com/

©2006 (reprinted only with permission of author)