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Deaditorial:

Robert "Corpsy" Rhine reporting from the dead carpet at the Spike TV Scream Awards 2010.

I hate red carpets. Really. I'd rather have a lobotomy. The press coordinators give you about a half a foot to squish shoulder to shoulder with a hundred weary, sweaty journalists who all eagerly await the celebrities who have already have talked to fifty 'more major' media outlets, before they stroll down to your tiny plot on the hundred yard press line, so they will hopefully toss you a quote and a photo. It's enough to make you scream!

The Spike Scream Awards, the Academy Awards of Horror, fare better for press than most red carpet events in that some of the celebrities actually continue down the line to the dregs of smaller magazines, radio stations, cable shows and outlets like: Pilates Magazine, Tween Screen, Gazebo of Horror, Vegetarian Times, Lesbian Digest and, well, Girls and Corpses Magazine. The big names wouldn't be caught dead walking down that far on the press path, opting only for the big guns at the head of the carpet: AP. UPI, GETTY IMAGES, ET and CNN. I mean, can you blame them? It must be exhausting answering the same dumb questions over and over. So, I do appreciate it when we get to speak to a real celebrity, even when they're sometimes more of a 'C' than and 'A'.

Now, there's good and bad news about publishing a magazine called Girls and Corpses. The good news is that you get attention. The bad news is you often observe celebrities and their publicists darting past, like they are racing to the bathroom to hurl. Such was the case with Marilyn Manson, who just last year asked to be on the cover, but this year literally tripped and fell trying to escape the evil clutches of our interview. I reluctantly held back a "Have a Nice Trip?" as I handed him a copy of the magazine and he actually used it to fend off our photos. God forbid we sullied his career! I find this maddening since Marilyn Mason sings about more violent stuff than are featured in our pages. But it simultaneously made me feel proud to publish a magazine that so terrifies the likes of Marilyn Manson.

But worse than the celebrities are their leaches; agents, publicists and managers, who use our magazine to justify their salaries by deflecting a career destroyer like Girls and Corpses Magazine. I get it -- they need to show they are doing a vigilant job protecting their clients. But, I mean, we ARE on the red carpet and we WERE invited by the shows press team, so we can't be THAT horrible... can we? But what really baffles me are all those actors in the horror field (at a show called The Scream Awards) who are in films and TV shows with loads of nudity and gobs of excessive gore and violence, yet shun the thought of even chatting with Girls and Corpses Magazine -- as if our magazine will somehow taint their horror career. I mean we're not talking Anthony Hopkins here! (Oh, wait he was at the Scream Awards this year.)

But my favorite confused celebrity this year at The Spike Scream Awards. who wins the WTF award (besides the Marilyn Manson trip). was actress Kristin Bauer van Straten who plays Eric Northman's twist Pamela Swynford De Beaufort on the HBO series True Blood. The seductive actress paused with her demure publicist in front of our meager press patch and glanced at Girls and Corpses Magazine. We wanted to ask Kristin a few questions, so she turned to her publicist and asked, "Should I?" Her publicist solemnly nodded her head 'no' as they sauntered past. It made me wonder if Kristen's publicist had ever actually SEEN True Blood (my favorite TV show BTW). I mean, that very night at The Scream Awards, True Blood won The "Holy Shit!" Scene of the Year Award for 360-degree sex head twist in True Blood. Let me explain this more graphically for those of you who missed the scene: Vampire Bill Compton is having missionary sex with his vampire ex love, Lorena, when he decides to ramp things up a notch and twist her head around backwards, thus turning his missionary sex act into doggie style. And Girls and Corpses is too much for True Blood?

This G&C snubbing has also happened with celebrities and films in the past who we offered a covers. First, was a movie no one has ever heard of called "Teeth," about a girl with teeth actually in her VaJayJay (ask Oprah). I actually spoke to Teeth star Jess Weixler, and offered her the cover of Girls and Corpses after I saw the twisted film. Jess was all excited and suggested I touch base with the studio. But they immediately passed, saying that we were "too extreme." Huh? This was coming from a film where a girl bites off mens man meat with her sharp crotch chompers -- and then her dog laps up the leftover skin sausage off the floor. Another movie who snubbed our cover was request was another flick no one saw called 'Sorority Row.' The studio also passed on a cover for the film because we were, again, "too extreme." Did any of you see Sorority Row? I unfortunately did; tons of sex, topless girls and gore. I reminded them that Girls and Corpses HAS NO NUDITY. But they didn't care. Note that neither of these fine films landed magazine covers elsewhere. Anyhow, these are some of the conundrums you face when you publish a magazine called Girls and Corpses.

I will say this about The Spike TV Scream Awards.. it is the classiest horror and sci-fi genre event ever. It's hip as hell, great sets and concept all around. And the celebs really do come out in force, even if we don't get to see them all on the red carpet. So, I will happily return year after year to fight for our tiny plot of press turf, if they will have me. We got some great shots of celebs, those with a brain and a sense of humor, and we thank them from the bottom of our rotting hearts.

So chill out celebrities and publicists -- we are a COMEDY magazine and no where near as raunchy or violent as your horror films.

Here is a list of the winners of The Spike TV Scream Awards:

The Ultimate Scream

Inception

Best Movie

Inception for Sci-Fi
Twilight Eclipse for Fantasy
Zombieland for Horror

Best TV Show

True Blood

Best Director

James Cameron, Avatar

Best Scream-play

Laeta Kalogridis, Shutter Island

Best Actor

For Fantasy, Robert Pattinson, Twilight: Eclipse
For Sci-Fi, Leonardo DiCaprio, Inception
For Horror, Alexander Skarsgard, True Blood
For Supporting Actor, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Inception
For Breakout Performance, Tom Hardy, Inception

Best Actress

For Fantasy, Kristin Stewart, Twilight: Eclipse
For Sci-Fi, Scarlett Johansson, Iron Man 2
For Horror, Anna Paquin, True Blood
For Supporting Actress, Anne Hathaway, Alice in Wonderland
For Breakout Performance, Chloe Moretz, Kick-Ass

Best Cameo

Bill Murray, Zombieland

Best Villain

Mickey Rourke in Iron Man 2

Best Superhero

Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man 2

Best Ensemble

Zombieland

Most Memorable Mutilation

The Human Centipede in The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

Fight Scene of the Year

Anti-gravity hotel fight in Inception