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Click here to watch Zombie Bob
Zombie Bob, the formerly living bartender from Boston, is seated and manacled to a chair, editor R.S. Rhine just barely out of his reach. It is, after all, almost lunchtime.
G&C: Hi Zombie Bob - Welcome to Girls and Corpses Magazine and may I first say... phew... you stink!
ZB: Take these manacles off me and say that. Then bring me some ketchup.
G&C: So, who did you eat for breakfast?
ZB: I went light. Two dwarfs and a garbage collector. I'm on a diet.
G&C: How did you die? Was it slow and painful, or quick and easy?
ZB: Quick and easy. Some pale-faced chick came on to me in my club. I thought she was a Goth, but she turned out to dead. I won't make that mistake again. 'Course, I won't get the chance.
G&C: Do you have trouble getting dates?
ZB: Naaw, most chicks are always up for a free dinner. Right up until they realize...they're the meal.
G&C: What your idea of the perfect zombie date?
ZB: I'm an old fashioned, romantic kind of guy. I go to pick her up, I meet her parents, I eat her parents, and then I make sure she serves me her heart up on a silver platter.
G&C: What do zombies like to give on Valentine's Day (besides a heart)?
ZB: I consider Valentine's Day to be the most erotic of holidays. First I give my Valentine the lips, then I give her the tongue and then...I take hers. Whether she likes it or not.
G&C: What's the most embarrassing part of you that has fallen off in public?
ZB: Lemme put it to you this way. I ain't sayin' what it was, but I had to devour three strippers to get it back.
G&C: Who's your favorite zombie?
ZB: It's a toss up between Rob and George W. Bush.
G&C: Your favorite movie zombie?
ZB: Mary, the girl in the garden in "Shaun of The Dead." I think she's dead sexy.
G&C: Favorite dead band?
ZB: Well, you got your obvious choices...the barbequed Lynyrd Skynyrd, the terminally sedated Ramones, fossilized Jerry Garcia, and most of The Beatles. Then you got your "one foot in the gravers" - some of The Stones, a few of Aerosmith, and - can't forget my man - Shane McGowan. But for my money? Warren Zevon. He wasn't a band - but he's King of The Dead.
G&C: What's it like being a zombie in a modern world? What is more difficult and more easy -- about being a zombie?
ZB: Being dead in the modern world and still trying to contribute to society is much more difficult because of all these "do-gooders" that watch out for the homeless, no good rapists and child molesters. Zombies love to eat these people. It's our contribution to cleaning up the planet. Even though we're dead, we still got some morals. Unlike you whiny humans, we HATE technology. Video cameras, picture phones. Anything that captures us doing our "work." We're like Italians, we hate witnesses.
Easier? Finances. You don't have to worry about payin' your bills. Debt collectors knockin' on your door are no longer a problem...for long.
G&C: What did you do in your former life? Or, was it a dead end job?
ZB: I was a boxer in Boston and gave it up to run a dive bar down in Miami Beach. Dead end wasn't exactly what it was. Morbid maybe, listening to every jackass complain about life. There's so much more to existence than life!
G&C: We understand you've filmed your first commercial for Zombie Law. How did that come about?
ZB: I'm like the Meryl Streep of Zombies, fighting for roles in an unfair business. My people weren't getting enough parts. Hollywood was casting all humans. So I auditioned for this gig, and as a courtesy, I didn't kill the producer. They were so grateful, I got the job. I worked with Miami's top actors and stunt guys, all of them believing in the need for mankind to understand OUR law - Zombie Law. Very touching. It was enough to make my eyes leak blood.
G&C: What do you think of Girls and Corpses Magazine? Will you recommend it to your zombie friends?
ZB: I like it. It borders on a little sexy (too many live chicks, though), has humor and its scary. It even scares Zombie Bob...a little. Yeah, I'll tell my fellow shamblers to give it a read. The ones that still have eyes, anyway.
G&C: Would you ever appear as a model in our magazine?
ZB: Only if I can have the editor for lunch.
G&C: What do you like on your pizza?
ZB: Every body part available on the menu, plus anchovies. Zombie Bob loves anchovies.
G&C: What's you favorite errogenous zone - either on or off the bone?
ZB: Bone marrow. It tastes like chicken. And everyone knows how much a zombie likes a little chicken.
G&C: Who do you think will win the SuperBowl. And who will die trying?
ZB: I'm a Patriots fan, I hope they go all the way, but if they don't, I'll be rooting for the Dallas Cowboys. They got some really meaty players.
G&C: Any plans for the future, before complete deterioration?
ZB: I'm about to star in my own film - The Karate UnDead 2 - a zombie horror satire.
G&C: What's it about? (Rhine begins to look around nervously as obvious stomach growling is heard from the direction of Zombie Bob).
ZB: The Florida Everglades, a government conspiracy, the ravenous media, two B movie actors, me - the UnDead bartender, hungry gators, free roaming carcasses and a couple of powerful zombie hunting chicks.
G&C: And the short term?
ZB: (Growling) Lunch.
R.S. Rhine has departed the room.
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