Buffoon LESLIE NEILSON is an unfunny, bumbling,
waaaay past his prime, mean prick! Really.

Hi Corpse fans! So, you know how we occasionally share our humorous press experiences to give a feel for what life is like in the rotten botox lane of Hollywood. So, here’s another Hollywood tale that will open your eyeballs, and noses, to that rancid smell which might be your favorite star or their stinker of a movie. Case in point, Leslie Neilson starring in Stan Helsing.

Recently, we have seen our invites to red carpet events in Hollywood soar as our cache at Girls and Corpses rises and we now stand alongside Entertainment Tonight, Daily Variety and Newsweek Magazine on the red carpet. We also get screeners by the hundreds to review films dying for our publicity. Girls and Corpses is now an international print magazine and one of the few new print magazines that’s actually growing and not considering going out of print or folding altogether. Our website alone gets two million visitors a month and is rapidly growing. We have more celebrities on our covers and inside the magazine as our clout grows.

But Girls and Corpses Magazine has always been an intelligence test. Some see the title and run for the hills, but other, with a functioning brain and a sense of humor, dare to open the terrifying pages and realize that it’s not the darkest porn rag ever created but rather a brilliant satire and comedy magazine, with great articles, hysterical photos and a willingness to shine the autopsy light on the true nature of Hollywood.

So... here we go again. Last night we covered the red carpet for a new comedy spoof film called Stan Helsing. It stars white-haired Leslie Neilson from the Airplane movies of two decades ago. I thought this movie might be a nice fit for our readers of Girls and Corpses Magazine since it combines both comedy and horror. Frankly, I had heard the movie was a stinker, by several media people who had already seen the movie and even a couple photographers on the red carpet---but I decided to stick it out on the red carpet for one reason only -- and that was to meet Leslie Neilson, comedy buffoon extraordinaire, and let our readers get to know him... before it was too late.

For the red carpet event I brought along successful horror actress Victoria DeMare (Shesus in our latest issue) who was truly stoked to have a chance to meet her comedy hero, Leslie Neilson, and she would be conducting our red carpet interviews. 

Victoria and I arrived to a ghost town outside the Arclight Theater. Then, I spotted Danny Devito and his wife Rea Pearlman and I thought maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad press night after all. But Devito and wife bolted past the empty red carpet, smart enough to avoid this stinker, and ducked inside the Arclight to see another movie. Unfortunately, DeVito turned out to be the highlight of the night.

The previous other night, I had covered the Spike TV Scream Awards red carpet and there were fifty top journalists elbow to elbow.  And now here we were at the Arclight movie theater and we were one of only two print media outlets covering the event -- the other being Fear.net.  There was a spacious fifteen feet between us reporters and the press folks handling the event had a stack of media no-shows. Where was everyone, we wondered?

We waited two hours outside for  superstar Neilson to show up, along with a handful of other photographers who also waited along the red carpet wishing they had picked another event with actual celebrities to photograph. This was clearly not an ‘A’ event or even a ‘B’ event and I was wishing I was  home watching the American League Playoffs.

Finally, two hours later, the big star of the night, Leslie Neilson, arrived on the red carpet and Victoria and I waited for him to take a few snapshots before heading in our direction on the red carpet.  I had barely uttered, “Hello Mr. Neilson nice to meet you, we would like to interview you for...” When this old fart, smelling of formaldehyde, glares at us and growls, “Maybe, next time.” 

Huh? Did he actually say, “Maybe next time?!” ‘WTF? !!  The word “maybe” put it even more in perspective, meaning that if Leslie Neilson survived long enough to make another one of these tired comedy spoofs, and if I was on the red carpet again, that we “might” have another shot at interviewing him.  Might.

The journalist next to me from Fear.net had the same WTF expression on his face. Meanwhile, Neilson having brushed us both off, chatted with some friends on the red carpet right  in front of us, and then slowly waddled into the theater to change his Depends.

So, what did Neilson think we were doing there on the red carpet with a camera and microphone? There were only two magazine outlets... TWO... on the red carpet, standing there waiting to help him promote his crappy movie.  Did he really fathom himself that big of a star, and at this point in his flagging career, not to at least be cordial and help promote his movie, that no one was going to see anyhow??

I mean let’s be honest... who the fuck wants to see Stan Helsing with Leslie Neilson? And with Saw VI opening the same weekend this movie will sink faster than the Titanic on an ice rink.

As we walked into the theater shaking our heads, still intending to see the film, Victoria turned to me and said, “I don’t want to see the movie now, he’s ruined it.”  And I couldn’t have agreed more. Why did I want to waste my precious ninety minutes to see a movie that several media folks had actually suggested I bring a book too because it was so painfully slow and unfunny. Also, the theater must have been practically empty considering no one came to see the screening. There were maybe thirty people who went into in the theater and I’m being generous.

 I spotted Neilson in the lobby as we walked out. just standing there, still killing time with the few friends he could convince to go to the screening. So I tried one more time and nicely said to him, “Excuse me, Mr. Neilson, we are here on the red carpet invited by your movies own press and we would love to talk to you for a moment about your movie for our print magazine.”  Neilson snapped back, “Not interested.”  So, I paused, and then simply ripped up my ticket, in front of this old fucker and said, “Well, we’re not interested in covering your lousy movie.” And we split.

So, how do you review a movie without ever seeing it?  The same way you go into a restaurant and get that funny feeling as you see that it's empty except for one employee eating a bowl of rice in the back of the dingy restaurant. The place smells kind of rancid and the only customer brushes past you as he races out of the restaurant with their hand over their mouth. 

Maybe Leslie Neilson is bitter that his career skidded in the 70’s and he couldn’t be taken for a serious actor. His career was finally revived in spoof movies such in Airplane, Spy Hard, 2002 a Space Travesty, Scary Movie 4, Mr. Magoo and Stan Helsing.  He is more known for making funny faces and fart jokes than as a serious thesbian. Neilson never attained the kind of critical acclaim or Academy recognition like other actors of his generation, such as: Charles Bronson, Charlton Heston, Jack Nicholson, Dustin Hoffman or Al Pacino.

Here is one of Neilson's classier performances, farting during a TV interview: Leslie Nielson Interview

Neilson will be known a decade from now as a comedy buffoon, with a chicken sitting on his head, or that guy that co-starred with O.J. But I always thought the buffoon part was just his on-screen persona. It's not. 

Remember celebrities, be nice. Sometimes you need us more than we need you. We are doing you a favor by promoting your movie or TV show, especially if you are Leslie Neilson.

So, we bid this buffoon adieu and say to you now...