Come with me to…
The Sea of Blood
I love JAWS, arguably one of the greatest horror movies ever made, now celebrating its 36th anniversary. Baywatch… not so much love. But you have to appreciate Pamela Sue Anderson’s slow motion boob bounce down the beach in her red one-piece holding a lifeguard rescue float. Hence, it is with great reverence and a grain of sand that we dive into our ocean horror tribute issue of Girls and Corpses magazine with a few memorable quotes of dialogue from the greatest fish tale ever told...JAWS.
Quint: This shark, swallow you whole.
Okay, so we couldn’t get Pamela Anderson for the cover, but we did even better with seXXXy actress Tera Patrick, an adult film icon, who is sailing into the horror realm with a new film. Also gracing our Bay-Rots cover is luscious model Natasha Marley, a Page Three girl from England. And what would our Bay-Rots cover be without David Hasselcorpse, the most revered singer in all of Germany?
Hooper: I got no spit.
This summer, ocean horror is wetter than an otter’s pocket with Piranha 3DD and Shark Night 3D out in theaters. But they have a lot to live up tothe original JAWS set the bar for deep sea scares and practically ruined ocean swimming for many beachgoers. Let’s not even mention the JAWS sequels, which sucked like a trio of Davey Jones whirlpools compared to the original.
Mayor Vaughn: What did you say the name of this shark is?
Hooper: It’s a carcaradon carcharias.
It’s a Great White
JAWS may be the best example of underwater horror, but there are other underwater classics: Creature from The Black Lagoon (1954), 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (1954), and Moby Dick (1956). Then there are some moderately successful films like Piranha (1978), Leviathan (1989), Deep Blue Sea (1999), Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002), and Mega Piranha (2010). There were are some major belly-flops, too, such as DeepStar Six (1989), Sphere (1998), Barracuda (1978), Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009), and possibly the worst ocean horror flick ever made, Orca: The Killer Whale (1977).
Hooper: [Laughs] They’re all gonna die.
Continuing with our liquid theme, we also feature in this issue the “squirtacular” Dr. Susan Block, a photo shoot with a real Fiji mermaid (Lynn Pops) and a giant squid victim tended to by a bevy of blond nurses: Missy Gold, Ashley Caple and Paula Labradeas,
Brody: You’re gonna need a bigger boat.
But this issue isn’t entirely under waterwe are also extremely proud to have hooked interviews with cult director William Lustig of the 1980 film Maniac, the death metal band Autopsy, the stoned director of Bong Of The Dead, the casts of Rigor Mortis Revue and Urban Death, former high-priced escort Rebecca Dankin, artist Peter Adamyan, and more thrills than a tsunami.
Hooper: This was no boat accident.
So stick your toe in the water, dive inside this issue, and get bit by the dark comedy that is Girls and Corpses.
Hooper, Quint, Brody: [singing] Show me the way to go home / I’m tired and I want to go to bed... I had a little drink about an hour ago and it got right to my head / Wherever I may roam / by land or sea or foam...
By the way, stay tuned for our Osama Bin Laden horror film, coming soon to a drive-in near you... Terrorism from the Deep. And that’s no fish tale.
Brody: What day is this?
Hooper: It’s Wednesday... eh, it’s Tuesday, I think.
Brody: Think the tide’s with us?
Hooper: Keep kicking.
Brody: I used to hate the water...
Hooper: I can’t imagine why.
The last lines from JAWS (1975)
*All highlighted dialogue on this page are from the 1975 classic movie JAWS. And if you didn’t know that... you drowned a long time ago.