Letter from the Deaditor-In-Chief

Doctor Muller: So Imhotep was sentenced to death not only in this world, but in the next.

Assistant: Maybe he got too gay with the vestal virgins in the temple.

Doctor Muller: Possibly.

Sir Joseph Whemple: [translating inscription] “Death... eternal punishment...for.. anyone... who... opens... this... casket. In the name... of Amon-Ra... the king of the gods.” Good heavens, what a terrible curse!

Ralph Norton: [eagerly] Well, let’s see what's inside!

Doctor Muller: Put it back. Bury it where you found it. You have read the curse. You dare defy it?

—Lines from the 1932 movie classic, The Mummy

Across the sands of time, and the 405 Freeway, came a man... not just any man but rather a decaying corpse wrapped in strips of frayed cloth. The nomad was named Corpsy-RA, son of Pharaoh RA-MEN. Corpsy-RA wandered the desert searching for the last copy of Girls and Corpses magazine, thirsting for it like a Starbucks iced mocha latte. As he staggered beneath the scorching sun for 40 days and 40 nights, give or take, finally... there in the Valley of the Corpses, he found what he yearned for. He gently picked up the dusty magazine with his mummified fingers. It was the Volume 4 Winter issue you now hold in your trembling hands—and Sultan Corpsy collapsed and cried and consumed the magazine page by page, literally chewing the 80-weight glossy coated papyrus, thus renewing his strength until he was no longer a mere crumbling mummy but rather a God among mummies, and camels, and he journeyed forth and told the story of Girls and Corpses magazine, from town to town and house from house, for a thousand years, until he got strep throat and had to go on antibiotics. But, thanks to Corpsy-RA, that magazine is finally being passed on to you, in a ceremony now known as Passover—so you can caress the papyrus pages and recite the ancient hieroglyphic gags and wonder... aloud... “was it worth a thousand years in the desert?”

But be forewarned... to open these pages and read further you risk the curse of Corpsy-RA which will cause you to have a smile plastered on your face for eternity.

You have been warned!