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website by Gone West
by "The Grin Creeper"

So, this weekend we were hitting the stores with Girls and Corpses Magazine. Things were going great and we had taken a great order at Golden Apple Comics on Melrose when we spotted a store called 'Necromance' down the block. Naturally, we thought it would be a swell idea to pop in and show them our new magazine and calendar.

When we walked in, the store appeared empty, but we could hear slurping, like a herd of hyenas devouring their young and we could smell a greasy stench like the fart of a dying moose.

We peaked over the counter and spotted three tattoed butterballs stuffing their pimpled chubby cheeks with triple-chili-cheese-colon-cloggers. These pugfaced slugs wouldn't stop masticating or even get up off their flatulent fannys when we came to the counter.

Nevertheless, we politely introduced ourselves and attempted to hand them the premiere issue of Girl and Corpses Magazine. But these bovine bimbos wouldn't even look at the magazine and instead told us to "get lost." We were surprised considering their store was named "Necromance" and was filled with squirrel skulls and beaver bones and such and smelled of rotting flesh. We asked again if they would at least take a look at the magazine before passing a death sentence. But, no, they weren't even interested in 'looking' at our magazine, they barked, as they picked the calf gristle out of their buck teeth. When we requested to speak to the manager, they sneered that they were the managers.

Corpsy felt dissed and it made me pity those sebaceous simian souls who are so closed minded to something new and different that they wouldn't have an orignal idea if it dropped from the genius tree and split their thick skulls.

But creativity and originality has always encountered violent opposition by mediocre minds.

It's a COMEDY MAGAZINE you malordous morons! You hemaphrodite hippos! You narcisstic ninnys of Necromance!

I have since learned that the staff at Necromance has treated other customers with an attitude normally reserved for outhouse rats.

Anyhow, I think everyone should call Necromance at 323-931-2997 and ask those rude, pimplefaced rejects why they won't even look at Girls and Corpses Magazine. But you better hurry -- these salespimples will be rounding up shopping carts at Kmart before the month is out.

This has been Corpsy -- over and out.