KC: Empowering, of course.
G&C: What was your speciality? What are you known for? Can you shoot a ping-pong ball twenty feet and smoke a camel, literally?
KC: I would tie men up and make them listen to my Gilbert Gottfried impression for hours on end. Was, I'm no longer in the industry. Its very hard to specialize in any one thing- any decent dominatrix is able to adapt to whatever iteration of a session the client requests.
G&C: Gilbert Godfried? You are a cruel cruel woman.
What other "tools' do you use. Whips? Clips? Chains? Tire irons? Screwdrivers? Michael Bolton CD's?
KC: I make them sign up to AOL.
G&C: A funny dominatrix, huh? You would have been a lot a laughs at the Al Qaeda torture camps. By the way, speaking of torture... What's "dildo training"? Do I want to know?
KC: The polite way of asking for a dildo up the ass.
G&C: Sort of like pardon me... can you pass the Grey Poop-on?
So, what are some of the codes for some of the things you would do in your profession:
KC: S/M (sadism and masochism)
B&D (bondage and dominance)
GS (golden shower)
CBT (cock and ball torture)
DT (dildo training)
B/D (bondage and discipline
G&C: We have some other you missed in on our corpse fetishes list of this issue. (not to be missed). So, you must be bored by straight sex.
KC: What is straight sex?
G&C: Republican. Or, what Martha Stewart does with an eggplant.
KC: Sex that is boring, no? It's not the act that makes it boring or exciting, it's whether or not you want to be there. I only have sex if I want to be there.
G&C: I'll bring the eggplant. Were you abused as a child?
KC: Does having a Jewish mother count?
G&C: Yea, sister, I know from whence you speak.
Did you abuse others as a child?
KC: I don't know... what's the statute of limitations on that?
G&C: I think you're safe. How do men contact you to be a dominatrix? Did you work privately or for a company?
KC: I prefer that they shine a big light in the sky with a bat symbol.
G&C: Is that a baseball bat?
Do you ever work large bondage parties or just one-on-one?
KC: I'm thinking about doing Bar-Mitzvahs in the near future.
G&C: How about a bris? What are the three strangest requests you have been asked to do?
KC: Being asked to slam a guy's dick in a door; the client who was Jewish but wanted me to insult Italians while beating him; and of course, the client who wanted me to pretend to pull his teeth.
G&C: So, tell us about "dick in the door" guy. It's what I'll name this interview.
KC: He'd come in once every few weeks for a half hour and wanted his dick slammed in the door to the session room, starting off very softly, and building up while insulting him the whole time. He tipped well.
G&C: What won't you do on the job?
KC: Chew Tobacco
G&C: Then I'm out. What do you want to do but have never done?
KC: Visit Ravenna and see where Dante wrote The Inferno.
G&C: Do they let you have sex in there?
Is there anything that we don't know abouy the life of a Pro-Domme that we haven't asked but your would like to tell us?
KC: Tell you? What fun would that be?!
G&C: What's if I was begging you?
Well, Kimberly, it's been brutal, just the way I like it. Let's get together sometime and you can make me laugh unitl I bleed -- then I can pay you a hundred bucks and go back to my wife.
KC: [akward silence]
G&C: Well... um... thanks for the beating... um... meeting... Kimberly. I mean... th.... th... thank you m... m... mistress.
Kimberly Warner-Cohen's website