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Fondle My Corpse...Please!
Deathmetal To The Pedal

Band Interview by R.S. Rhine
exclusve for ©Girls and Corpses Magazine All rights reserved.

issue #15

G&C: You describe Fodlecorpse's music as brutal deathmetal, horror-gore. I want to start with a question befitting a band of your stature. So, I must ask you fine lads: What's the inside of a corpse's ass taste like?

Silvester: Now this might look like a straight forward question but there are a few things to take into consideration, when a human dies there is the release of bowels, this can be very messy, and some morticians are lazy and don't do a good job washing the corpses (so be careful or take along a cloth and medicinal disinfectant). Some do their job too well and then you get this bouquet of cleaning fluids, embalming fluids, mixed with juicy flesh and rotting flesh flavor so the vintage varies on a corpse-to-corpse basis. That said, you haven't really lived until you have tongued the butt hole of a sexy hot female corpse and dug deep into the sweet taste of putrefaction!

G&C: How did Fondlecorpse get started? A pig farming accident?

Silvester: Well, I was on the local graveyard one night fondling some hot dead chick, thinking about how cool it would be to make music for the dead. I then found out about deathmetal which well says it all and in 95/96 I drew a picture of my favorite pastime and wrote next to it Fondlecorpse. I figured, hey, this would be a rad name for a band that plays music for the dead. I then went out and excavated several band members but they never held up long, necromancer spells failed, some fell apart on stage from decay and old age, demon possession went awry and band members left and ran away screaming like banshees straight out of hell. We will call it "line-up changes." The one in 1999 was the worst when the whole band almost got hunted down and shot in the head -- people calling my band members zombies for some reason. So what? They ate people and chewed on you once in a while, it happens, right? But in 2001, a new line-up was formed an unholy alliance between some evil souls. That has kept going till this day. The drummer was an extraterrestrial, his species are called 'critters,' he played drums and the others are undead ghoulish fiendish creatures that play guitar and bass. Krite the drummer had to go underground and hide from some bounty hunters but we have a new demonically possessed corpse to play drums on the new album.

G&C: Does the corpse play with his arm bones? How do you describe your music, if you'd call it that? And... why not polka?

Silvester: I describe it as music for the deaf and dead, mainly, and after seeing us I would have to add blind to the list, other than that... scorching heavy deathmetal. Mainly, just blast beats and gargles and low demonic voices growling -- yeah, growling -- I think that would be it haha, we play old school gore deathmetal; this is about PURE SPLATTER B-MOVIE GORE!!!!!! The old school way. Lyrically, we range from 80's cartoons and television series, to every aspect of Gore/horror/ Splatter/Slasher/Stuff and, of corpse, a bunch of porn stuff -- so get ready for the attack of couch potato gore!!!!!! Fondlecorpse is like a soundtrack to a bad B-movie, cheesy but fun. That sums it up -- I think.

And some of our drums rhythms are called polka's does that count? The market for true Polka music has crashed a few years ago and you can't make a dime playing that stuff anymore, so deathmetal is the next best thing. We miss the time we toured as the shambling polka zombies, man that was fun playing in places like Transylvania and odd small towns in Poland and Czechoslovakia. All towns ending with 'ia.'

G&C: Who are the band members and where did you dig them up?

Silvester: Well, I am Silvester the Gore gnome and the Regurgitron doing vocal duties throwing out obscene sounds and gargles, then we have Bas on Guitar and Mathijs on bass guitar and Krite on drums but since he is hiding, we have found Paul who does drums on the new material playing infernal hell blasts. I escaped from the local loony bin where I shared a cell with some guy called Meyers, who kind of strangled most of the nursing staff and escaped, so I tagged along. Nice guy, but kind of the silent type you know? I tripped over bas at the local graveyard next to the Uneeda warehouse. He had a brother at another graveyard, so we went there and had Gnaghi dig him up while we chatted with Dellamorte his boss, nice fellow. Paul was summoned by reading out loud some page from an odd book bound in flesh -- it went something like "klaatu verata" something, we bought it at some weird little shop where they also sold mogwais. It was run by some nice elderly Chinese gentleman. Krite, well, he crashed with his little spaceship and has been stuck here ever since, we bumped into him at some small farm village and he then tagged along. That's basically our stories in short -- kind of average and boring, nothing special really.

G&C: You use some porn audio for your songs. Where do you get these tracks or do you make them yourselves?

Silvester: I know some people think its porn but actually those cries and screams are from a chick being eaten by a horde of cannibals while they rip pieces of flesh from her back. I guess she likes sadomasochism since she seems really into it, she sounds orgasmic, the other one that sounds like a chick having sex that its actually a chick getting boned in the ass by a giant tusk from a giant mutated boar from the movie Razorback. I guess its kind of porn in that perspective but it's also from an obscure horror movie. But it does sound like she enjoys that tusk a little bit too much sloshing around in her anal cavity. I wouldn't be surprised if that actress stole the prop for some personal usage at home if you get my drift.

G&C: Based on your band title -- Have you actually ever fondled a corpse?

Silvester: On occasion, but a gentlemen never kisses and tells, you know. Oh well, alright maybe one account can be divulged, it was a local graveyard oh many moons ago, stars twinkled in the sky, the air heavy with the morbid scent of my freshly exhumed lover, the smell of a freshly dug up grave teasing my nostrils, using the cracked open casket as our dinner table with a cloth some food and a candle burning the flame fluttering in the wind. My hand in hers, corpse fluids seeping out, I opened a bottle of champagne and poured us a glass. We chitchatted a bit about this and that, how we met, it was the obituaries, female 22 died in a car crash. Her eye popped out which I took as her making advances, I suckled her eyeball and my hand slipped into her panties as I fondled my first ever corpse. Ah teenage love. The memories, the memories.

G&C: Who listens to your music? The insane? The deaf?

Silvester: This would be correct that's why we play at full volume and the vocals are low because that at least registers still when your ears are ruined and we are already deaf as a doorpost. So, I figure our main fan base would be deaf too, deaf or dead or drunk and stoned out of their minds. We are a big hit with the dead. We play sold out mausoleums and crypts.

G&C: What will happen to you after you die?

Silvester: Well, my girlfriend isn't entirely against screwing corpses and has necrophiliac tendencies, so I figure she might dig me up, the rigor mortis perma-stiffy might help too she might even love me more when I am dead (permanent stiffy and no pulse). I'll get a second lease on life as her morbid sex toy. That, or I'll hopefully be used for future issues of Girls and Corpses Magazine.

G&C: Your band is in Holland -- so I assume you are stoned all the time?

Silvester: All you have to do is breathe the air here hahaha. I recently caught up with two little fella's kind of half sized humans, who got me into smoking pipe weeds, now that's some good shit!

G&C: What does blood and guts and horror and squealing pigs have to do with music?

Silvester: Well, horror IS the blood and guts of our music. Actually, we thrive on the stuff -- it feeds us. We are a horror tribute band and pay homage to the tons of cool old horror movies mainly from the 70's/ 80's the golden age for me. And I am always looking to expand the collection with more and more gore and horror movies. Ah -- the morbid the sick the deformed. Man I'd be lost without my gore and horror. I need my daily fix being the gore hound I am. Luckily, there is always more filth to be found and with every new genre you dig up you find literally hundreds of new movies to check out. I am surprised I can still find gems and new movies that surprise me after all these years. And that was no pig squealing -- it was a mutated boar! I don't think it has anything to do with music really other than us being retarded.

G&C: What do you think Celine Deon would think you your music?

Silvester: She'd probably think: "bloody hell I wish I could do this than some dumb soundtrack of a sinking ship for a movie where everybody knows the ending already before it even started." I bet she secretly wants to rock and roll with the dead. Let your hair down Celine and get ROCKING!! Her husband has lots of potential of being a badass biker -- just give him a leather jacket and big ass motorbike and he would fit right in! I suspect that guy head bangs in secret to stuff like Morbid Angel and Slayer -- I just know it.

G&C: Would you ever work with Michael Jackson on a song? Do children like your music too?

Silvester: Maybe when he still did cool shit like 'Thriller' we could have used a nice video clip, but nowadays he's even to weird for us. You just know he's going to ask you to lie in his bed or get on his "special ride." We will pass on that fabulous opportunity. Children have tried to listen to our music but seem to spontaneously combust like the Martians from the movie "Mars Attacks" -- we don't know why.

G&C: Your music tends to give me migraines. What do you suggest -- a hammer?

Silvester: Well, listen to it longer and you will go deaf and have no more problems and can enjoy it in all its glory. When you're down to your last left over frequencies of hearing, the music then transforms to a sound that's akin to the singing of angelic choirs! Also, large amounts of booze and weed will help the experience -- or so I am told.

G&C: Who writes your poetic words, like the beautiful and lyrical: "RrRRHhHnRhhNNMMnnRnGHGhhhnnn... fuckkkk your skulll!!!"

Silvester: That would be me. I followed a classical Shakespearian education where we deal with death and the talking to skulls. I like to take a literary approach to my songs -- to spread the gospel of gore and horror movies in beautiful sonnets about movie classics like Halloween, Basketcase, Night of the Living Dead, Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer, Cannibal Movies. It is very hard to know where to put the right GGGGGGGGGGRLLLLLLLLLLKSLLLLLLLLL and where to put the good GRRRRRRRRRLRRRRRRR. You have to space them evenly and make sure they work well together. And, well, honestly, Skulls always do well in music even Shakespeare knows that. Hell, he wrote an entire scene just for his favorite skull, you know! The goal for us I guess is to wrap every song into a lyric that's like a script to a mini movie, mini morbid stories and tributes to the movies that they are about.

G&C: Is this good first date music?

Silvester: Well let me put it this way, you want soft R&B / Mood music where your woman goes oh baby I wanna make love to you gently and slowly, or do you want loud music where she screams like a rabid animal FUCK ME HARD LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL, SODOMIZE MY SINFULL BODY while ripping off all your clothes savaging you? I guess we all know the answer... don't we?

G&C: Can you have sex to your music or does it cause premature ejaculation?

Silvester: Well I guess sex to our music, it would be like primal instincts taking over with a lot of grunts and screams banging away like Neanderthals tearing down the house in lust, now that I think of it actually our music IS pure sex!!! I can imagine one explodes within seconds because of all the testosterone and primal instincts infused into our music. Probably shoot your girl of your dick against the ceiling pasting her in place. That's the power of primitive brutal metal!! Who needs Viagra when you have FONDLECORPSE?!

G&C: Do you all have trouble getting dates?

Silvester: Me, personally yes but this has nothing to do with me playing this kind of music. I think that's more because of the fact I am a huge nerd and I look and walk like Quasimodo and smell like a garbage pail kid. Somehow, it repels women, it's very odd. I've been run out of town by a crazed mob with pitchforks and torches yelling something like, "never touch or look at our daughters again you horrible creature of darkness!"

G&C: What is the wildest story you have about your groupies?

Silvester: Uhm uhm yeah man -- we have mad orgies-- chicks love us and promptly undress showing their boobies, throwing their underwear around rubbing their nether regions in our faces, booze sex drugs rock and roll, man its insanity!!! The amount of skin we see every night in our backstage rooms is insane. We get worshipped like Gods and they are our altars!! We go to sleep every night on beds of wriggling writhing flesh using their boobies as our pillows while we get humped and grinded from all sides as we fall asleep on our harem of groupies.......... ok so that's a lie and pure fiction lol, we all have girlfriends and we don't have groupies really, man we suck in that area of the lifestyle, we are couch potatoes -- watching our horror, the only action we got was from the corpses we exhumed.

G&C: Would the devil like your music?

Silvester: We hear he's a big fan of the genre, we are thinking of discussing with him if he wants to license some of our music to play as lobby music and elevator music in the express elevator to hell. We all know the 'Horned One' likes to fucking ROCK!

G&C: Who did your amazing artwork on your Limbless cover?

Silvester: The Limbless art was done by Jake. I used to help him out on his zine and got him to do the art for the first two Eps. He has since quit doing album covers, sadly, but we found some other sicko's to do shit for us like the uber talented Adam Geyer who did our newest cover styled after old horror movie video posters and covers, also, the Gory Putrid and Jeff Zornow the demented comic book artist, or should I say genius (the guy behind the art of day of the dead - the Rising of Bub comic book and lots of other crazy shit) cool guys making some gnarly art! They will turn our next CD into a bloodbath.

G&C: Do you have a lot of fans in prison -- especially, the criminally insane wing?

Silvester: We go well over at the local psych ward, they are always very eager to help write songs and send fan art, severed limbs and shit we can use for the show. Some of my best friends come from there. We probably will do a small prison tour. I am sure they would get a kick out of that. The night we came home tour 2008!!

G&C: What does human flesh taste like? Chicken?

Silvester: It tastes a lot like soylent green. Do you guys have that in the states?

G&C: Yes, it's called McDonalds. What's happening with the band now -- do you have another record coming out?

Silvester: Well we have been doing well lately, we sold out basically both our first EPs, and the collection CD called "From Beyond the Crypt" is still going strong, and we are still very happy with the latest shirt designed by Adam and horror master Chas Balun which was a great honor. We recorded new material for a split CD finally with a real drummer now and hope to unleash it in the near future it will be a split with slasher movie worship band Frightmare: called "Twice the hate, Twice the Carnage" on our label Razorback Records. We did tracks about Halloween, Basketcase, Chopping Mall, The Hills Have Eyes and the title track. We have been talking with Jeff Grenier from Abnormale Productions he might help us with a cool video clip somewhere in the future which we want to make as if it's a real horror movie -- he did some cool shit already so that would rock. And we are now busy writing two full albums for mid/end 2007. Going to be a busy busy year and hopefully we will keep on festering and doing more crazy stuff!!! But mainly, I just hope we continue to have fun that's what it's all about and if people like it well that's cool too.

G&C: Where can our readers buy your music?

Silvester: People can either go to our websites www.fondlecorpse.nl or www.myspace.com/fondlecorpse and for American customers check Razorback Records - save some cash on postage that way. Don't bother with shops. Nobody stocks our stuff -- apparently we are too 'offensive.' So, if you like our stuff you have to hunt for it, but I always say true fans will always find a way to get out stuff, and we are easily accessible too so just throw us a line or send a snail mail. Yes, we are one of those bands that remembers the time people mailed letters!!!

G&C: What do you think of Girls and Corpses Magazine?

Silvester: What is there not to love, you got hot chicks and decaying corpses being naughty. I especially liked corpse reporter Walter Crotchtight. He gets down to the bare bone essentials and grabs you by the intestines with his direct interviewing style. I am also always interested in the next horror interviews with directors and actors they are very informative and cool to read. Like I said before, I devour anything horror. We have been reading the zine since issue one and read every new one since -- so you could say we are fans. Always fun to see what the undead are up to next.

G&C: That's it Fondelcorpse! Thanks for opening up and showing us your guts.

Silvester: Well thanx for the interview, Corpsy! It was an honor to share the pages with these corpse superstars!

Silvester with R.S. Rhine's
"Satan's 3-Ring Circus of Hell"